Affection. Passion. Whatever the word is, I’m developing strong feelings for the grasses outside of the window. One grass in particular has captured my attention. It’s smooth stalk is a sandalwood pink, and its head of grain is white and fluffy. Patches of it smear the landscape, which is otherwise monochromatic unless you look closely. I’ve been on this train for three days, so I am looking closely. The pocket of Russia that dips between China and the Pacific Ocean is quite barren and quite beautiful.
I’ve used the word “stir crazy” to describe myself before, but I can’t remember another time when I’ve felt like jumping out of a moving train to embrace some pinkish grass. It’s nobody’s fault, I’m just not made for sitting this long. The 1st class compartment on the 008 train from Novosibirsk to Vladivostok is comfortable. It’s red decorations add a luxurious air that the modern teal-and-beige compartments of the 002 are lacking. There is a small table separating the cots, and a large window above the table, which gives an endless view of the endless landscape. Every two hours or so the train stops long enough for us to get off and stretch our legs. Occasionally it stops for 30 or 40 minutes, and we begin to stray away from the platform, creeping through unknown stations, onto the bustling street of a city who’s name we don’t know. It is then that I become frightened and hustle back to the train, where everything I have is packed neatly into a suitcase and shoved above the door, back to the safety of our close little compartment.
We work at the table and eat on the table. At night, I sleep next to the table, practically under it but for the pillow I’ve crammed into the gap between the table and my cot. My cot is also my chair, where I sprawl, reading and writing, crawling and playing. Because after a few days in a box, my body wants to feel its full range of movement, and my mind finds ways to help. I stand with one foot on each seat, stretching to the ceiling, or with my hand on the ground and my legs climbing the walls. A child has moved into the compartment next door, and she walks the walls of the narrow corridor. At least, for her, the space is bigger.
In 7 hours we will leave this train and never get on it again. We’ll be let loose onto the strange streets of a city wedged between China and North Korea, and I will quickly find somewhere cozy to hide away in, trapped in my demand for safety.