Stir-Crazy

Affection. Passion. Whatever the word is, I’m developing strong feelings for the grasses outside of the window. One grass in particular has captured my attention. It’s smooth stalk is a sandalwood pink, and its head of grain is white and fluffy. Patches of it smear the landscape, which is otherwise monochromatic unless you look closely. I’ve been on this train for three days, so I am looking closely. The pocket of Russia that dips between China and the Pacific Ocean is quite barren and quite beautiful.

I’ve used the word “stir crazy” to describe myself before, but I can’t remember another time when I’ve felt like jumping out of a moving train to embrace some pinkish grass. It’s nobody’s fault, I’m just not made for sitting this long. The 1st class compartment on the 008 train from Novosibirsk to Vladivostok is comfortable. It’s red decorations add a luxurious air that the modern teal-and-beige compartments of the 002 are lacking. There is a small table separating the cots, and a large window above the table, which gives an endless view of the endless landscape. Every two hours or so the train stops long enough for us to get off and stretch our legs. Occasionally it stops for 30 or 40 minutes, and we begin to stray away from the platform, creeping through unknown stations, onto the bustling street of a city who’s name we don’t know. It is then that I become frightened and hustle back to the train, where everything I have is packed neatly into a suitcase and shoved above the door, back to the safety of our close little compartment.

We work at the table and eat on the table. At night, I sleep next to the table, practically under it but for the pillow I’ve crammed into the gap between the table and my cot. My cot is also my chair, where I sprawl, reading and writing, crawling and playing. Because after a few days in a box, my body wants to feel its full range of movement, and my mind finds ways to help. I stand with one foot on each seat, stretching to the ceiling, or with my hand on the ground and my legs climbing the walls. A child has moved into the compartment next door, and she walks the walls of the narrow corridor. At least, for her, the space is bigger.

In 7 hours we will leave this train and never get on it again. We’ll be let loose onto the strange streets of a city wedged between China and North Korea, and I will quickly find somewhere cozy to hide away in, trapped in my demand for safety.

Devoid of a plan

We planned our trip as far as here. Now we’ll step off of the train into Asia, without language or much of an itinerary. Andrés, my companion, is so comforting. But sometimes I fight with him, because we are lurching forward on this dark train into the unknown, and it is stressful, even a little scary. We are two tiny scarabs scrambling across the face of the earth, fighting off the ridiculous fatigue of train-lag, and I’m the one carrying too much luggage.

I think every Trans-Siberian tourist must feel like an expert by the end of their journey. We’ve assembled the important and viable groceries to bring on board, manipulated pillows to make the cot more comfortable during sleeping and waking hours, invented close-quarter exercises to get the heart pumping again.

Tomorrow, we’ll arrive in Vladivostok, and the next day, we’ll board a boat headed to Japan. From there we’ll take a train…to another train…to a boat…to a train…

Slow travel requires patience and so so many trains.

From Bulgaria to Vladivostok over land and sea. We have months of traveling behind us, and months more ahead. Thousands of kilometers. The final destination is decided, but the route is unknown and complex. We will seek visas that we don’t have yet in hot cities with consulates and colonial histories. We will try to find a beach to rest on. It is difficult to imagine these cities, this heat, this beach, while sitting on a train on the far edge of Siberia, a few miles from China. Eventually, though, our imaginations will draw small lines across the map of South East Asia, and a plan will emerge, connecting our reality with our destination. It’s already happening. All we need is the internet…